Five Bad Assumptions

Marcia Reynolds has researched and studied extensively about high-achieving women and their ways of thinking and reacting to various scenarios. She's also noticed that there are certain erroneous assumptions that many successful and smart women make that can create a hefty brain-lock cycle from which is it very difficult to escape.

As an exclusive to this blog, Marcia Reynolds presents below five core assumptions that lock women into rigid perfectionist patterns:

Assumption #1: There is a right answer and it is mine

If you are the best and the one who knows, then you have an answer for every question about things that are important to you. No one dares to disagree. Always being right not only hurts your relationships, it is a heavy responsibility to bear.

Assumption #2: Everything is up to me

Things will spin out of control or fail if they aren’t done by you. As a result, you will overwork, take on too many projects, and resist sharing your work with anyone else.

Assumption #3: I will always be disappointed

Whether it's a job or a relationship, you start out excited about the possibilities, then you feel let down. This is due to the unreasonable standards you set up which no job or relationship can meet in the long run. The truth is, this behavior gives you an exit door so you never have to commit to ironing out your problems. If you don’t release your attachment to disappointment, you will always focus on what is wrong.

Assumption #4: I don't need help

You are a strong, smart woman so you don't need anyone to help you succeed. You can figure it out on your own. Unfortunately, this assumption is a horrible waste of your precious time. Letting other people help you is more efficient, it builds relationships, and you look stronger as a leader.

Assumption #5: I have to be great at everything I do

For the first time in history, women are brought up to believe we can do anything. To make up for lost time, this message is being delivered with a vengance. As a result, girls interpret the words to mean, "I must be great at anything I choose." As they mature, the greater their knowledge and experiences, the heavier is the "burden of greatness." When one accomplishment is complete, they quickly search for the next great thing to conquer. As a result, they restlessly wander with no clear purpose. This realization launched the idea for my research and the book, Wander Woman.

Thoughts? Responses? Suggestions? Ideas?

Five Simple (But Not Easy) Ways to Build Your Community

Peter Block is a bestselling author, speaker and legend in the organizational development world. His current passion, and the subject of his latest book, is community -- how to create it, nourish it, and sustain it. Real life satisfaction becomes possible only when we join our neighbors to live and create a community that supports our family and makes us useful citizens.

"The consumer society encourages this romantic idea that schools can raise our child, doctors can keep us healthy, institutions and services can care for the vulnerable, police can keep us safe, government will care of the land, and there is out there a global company will move into our city and save our local economy. The reality is that we already possess the ideas, the tools and the support to create a neighborhood that can raise a child, provide security, sustain our health, secure our income, care for our vulnerable people and get us work to do. Each of these is within the power of our community. Each is within walking distance. Here are five simple, though not easy to do steps to satisfaction:

1. Become gift-minded. Find out the gifts of each person in the neighborhood. What do they like to do, what do they know that they would be willing to teach other people? Skills such as training a dog, sewing, gardening, fixing a car or babysitting children can be useful to everyone.

2. Welcome Strangers. There are people nearby that we do not know. We are shut off from them by like-mindedness. Instead of staying in your social core, create a welcoming to those who are not part of the core circle but are still part of the neighborhood. This is not just hospitality because we need these people -- all people -- to make the neighborhood function. We do not have to particularly like them, but we need them to function as a community.

3. Discover Local Association Life. Dozens of formal and informal associations, groups of people who come together by choice to do something they enjoy exist in all neighborhoods and communities. Find out what and where these groups are and join one. If you can't find a particular group, start one. Groups can be for just about anything: a coffee group, a book club, dog walkers gathering, or those interested in the history and preservation of the neighborhood where you all live.

4. Choose to be a Connector. Every neighborhood has people who know just about everyone and like to find out what people love to do and bring them together. Be one of these people. Find a friend and knock on doors up and down the block asking what people like to do and would like to share with others. Meet with other Connectors and talk about building the social fabric of the place. Discuss how to support small local businesses, including the many being operated out of homes. Connecting is not just for adults, however. Find out what the neighborhood children are interested in and give them a function related to that interest. Doing so lets the youth know that they are vital and needed.

5. Finally, See it all as a Social Movement. This is a movement to reclaim into our own hands the capacity to find satisfaction. It is a social movement called localism. It marks the end of the dominance of consumerism and has been underway for decades. The movement remains invisible because it holds no large financial interest and is not in the job descriptions of people we call "leaders." Therefore it is not called news, it is minimized by calling it "human interest," but it is vital and kinetic. All of this is explored both in The Abundant Community and the website; abundantcommunity.com.

Join us in this movement, tell us your story, hear what others are doing that works, find each other. It is a world based on gifts and relatedness. Radical but doable."

Chime in below with your thoughts and responses.

What Women See, and Why It's Important

Women see the world through a distinctive lens and can use their vision to their advantage. Author Sally Helgesen provides this posting's list of The Five Things Women Notice -- and What Organizations (and Men) Can Learn From Them.

1. Women take a robust scan of the emotional temperature in a room. Women employ their capacity for broad-scale notice in order to read what people in a meeting are feeling. Are they present and engaged, or do they feel isolated and awkward?

Example: One woman in our book was asked by her employer to “just notice what goes on in a meeting” She came back with vital observations about a key partnership in jeopardy. Her employer dismissed the information, saying that “by notice I meant notice if the numbers add up.”

2. Women employ multiple senses when summing up a situation. Notice isn’t just about what we see—it derives from multisensory impressions.

Example: Details matter. An otherwise powerful conference will not make as positive impression if the sensory aspects of it are unpleasant. Sound, smell, temperature and feel affect our judgment and how we remember. Yet most organizations don’t know how to use sensory information.

3. Women notice if the daily experience of work is rewarding. This sounds like a no-brainer, but many organizations tend to emphasize abstractions when offering incentives and rewards rather than supporting an employee’s ability to enjoy the daily practice of work.

Example: In our survey on differences in how men and women perceive, define and pursue satisfaction in the workplace, we found that women are less likely to be motivated by what a job might lead to in the future if they also perceive that job as offering a low quality of life in the present.

4. Women notice when collegiality is not valued. Many companies have learned to speak the language of teamwork and collaboration, but their policies do nothing to support it.

Example: In most sales units, providing support to help a team member meet a goal is neither recognized nor rewarded. People are instead graded and ranked on their individual achievements.

5. Women notice when other women’s suggestions get overlooked in a meeting. They see it as a sign of disrespect to women in general.

Example: Jill offers an idea at a sales conference. No one responds. Ten minutes later, Jim makes the same suggestion, using different words. This happens all the time. Men who notice this have a great opportunity to show their support for women by speaking up: “Great idea, Jim! I see you’re building on what Jill suggested.”

What are your thoughts and responses?

Five Ways to Be A Better Social Networker

There's an old New Yorker cartoon that shows two dogs sitting at a laptop. One says to the other, "On the internet, no one knows that you're a dog." Yes, the internet offers anonymity, but it also seems to encourage some bad behavior and poor judgment when it comes to online interactions. Deanna Zandt has worked with technology and social media all her life and has noticed that even the most experienced networkers lapse into bad habits from time to time.

For this reason (and for the purposes of educating new social networkers), Deanna presents this issue's list of The Five Mistakes People (Even the Professionals) Make with Social Networking:

1. Thinking like it's television. Many organizations see social networks like Twitter and Facebook as just another way to broadcast about the work that they're doing, whether that's selling products or promoting advocacy. This is akin to showing up at a party, getting on a chair, and yelling to everyone that you're awesome. Don't broadcast, have conversations. Your audience is a community of people, not a mass of passive listeners.

2. Talking only about yourself. Again, you wouldn't do this at a party, would you? Social networks function a lot like ad-hoc, informal get togethers. You ask people what they're up to, you share some of what you're doing, and you pass on good news from friends or interesting things you've seen and read. There's a lot of give and take; only about 20-30% of your posts should be about your own work or mission.

3. Crafting "messages." While it's certainly worthwhile to make sure the material you're sharing on social networks is part of the bigger picture of the work you do, being overly careful about "staying on message" can ring hollow with your community. Remember, social networks are comprised of humans interacting with each other -- treat yourself, and your community as the living, breathing creatures they are.

4. Showing up only to vent. This is a personal pet peeve of mine. I get really irritated with people who never participate in the thriving conversations on social networks, and only post grousings about the clerk at the grocery store or how terrible Jetblue's customer service has become. Social networks can be sounding boards, for sure, but they're so much more than that.

5. Reading lists of do's and don'ts. Yep, I'm getting a little meta here -- time for me to take some of my own medicine. Really, my point in saying this is that there are an awful lot of social networking "gurus" out there who try to prescribe all kinds of behavior for their own ends (often selling something). But much like our interactions offline, we shouldn't be limited by how a consumer-oriented culture wants us to behave... so really, just get in there and be yourself.

Give us your social networking wisdom, reactions, and thoughts below.

Right Here, Right Now

Steve Arneson knows leadership development better than most. Prior to becoming an executive coach, Steve was Senior VP, Executive Talent Management and Development for Capital One and played a principal role in Capital One being named by Hewitt and Fortune magazine as one of the Top 20 Companies for Leaders between 2005 and 2008.

Before joining Capital One, Steve was VP of Organizational Effectiveness at America Online (AOL) and VP of People Development for Time Warner Cable. Prior to AOL, Steve worked as Senior Director of People Development for PepsiCo.

Have a look at Steve's list of the five things you can do immediately to develop your leadership skills that won't cost a dime:

1. Document your leadership journey. One of the most insightful things you can do as a leader is to look back at your own career, and identify meaningful “lessons learned” from your experiences. Packaging these lessons into a crisp “story” gives you a powerful presentation about your growth and development as a leader.

2. Confront your hardest-held positions. Admitting to yourself where you’re “dug in” on issues or positions can be a great way to open your mind to alternative solutions. Make a list of all of your most hardened beliefs, and brainstorm other points of view – it can help you become a more well-rounded leader.

3. Practice your coaching skills. Coaching is very different from giving directions or merely providing feedback. Coaching puts you in a facilitative frame of mind, where your goal is to help others examine problems or find their own solutions. Coaching involves asking questions, and can set you apart as a manager. People love to work for a leader who is also a great coach.

4. Get to know your team. Too many leaders are afraid to learn about their team members beyond the job. Don’t make that mistake – get to know your people. Take an interest in their personal lives, their hopes and dreams, their families and hobbies. Interview them about their lives beyond work, and see what happens. People want to work for someone who cares about them as individuals, not just as employees.

5. Reflect on your leadership. Every day, ask yourself three questions as you commute home – “how did I show up as a leader today?” “What did I communicate today?” “Who did I develop today?” If you keep your leadership top-of-mind and self-evaluate about how others are experiencing your leadership, you’ll become a more effective leader.

Ready?

Four Myths About Reimagining Your Life

Buy the Book Here

Most of us want to believe that we can reimagine our life's second chapter and purpose, but allow negative and inaccurate thinking to stop us from doing just that. Here is author Richard Leider's list of four common myths that stop us from seeking out our next purpose:

Myth #1: To now have a new possibility means I must do something completely original.

Can you really recall anything that is totally new? Almost every idea or creation is an extension or synthesis of previous efforts. New breakthroughs are built on existing fundamental truths. Like runners in a relay race, we simply do our part to carry the baton another leg of the race.

 
Myth #2: Only a few gifted or skilled people are able to discover new paths and possibilities in their lives.

This is the most commonly rationalized of all myths. History, however, is filled with great contributions made by ordinary people who had virtually no experience or expertise in the areas where they thrived in their lives' second chapter. In fact, being a "seasoned novice" gives us permission and courage to step into things with fresh passion and purpose.


Myth #3: What I want to do next will come as inspiration or revelation. Until that time comes, I will wait.

Inspiration comes to those who seek it. We don't find beautiful shells unless we're on the beach. If we believe in the the "miracle moment" theory, we rarely will find it. If we wait for "a sign," we end up being waiters for the rest of our lives.


Myth #4: It's too late; I'm too old. This something you do when you're younger.

Realizing new possibilities is a cradle-to-grave quest. Situations and people change every day and continue to change throughout our life. As long as there is change, there are new opportunities. Keep in mind that you now also have two things you had less of before: time and experience. Use them.

Five Nations You Never Knew Had Atrocious Human Rights Records

Everyone has heard about the horrors committed in the Congo, China, Darfur, and parts of the Russia, but did you know about these nations?

1. Turkey -- Has the most human rights violations of any country among the forty-seven signatory states of the European Convention on human rights. In a tally of the number of judgments entered for Turkey in 2009, 356 cases out of a total of 1,625 put the country in the worst violator class. In only nine cases out of the 356 did the court find there was no violation.

2. Egypt -- Though it prides itself on having the only secular government in the Middle East, Egypt has a terrible record of torture and abuse of prisoners and detainees; executive branch limits on an independent judiciary; denial of fair public trial; restrictions on civil liberties -- freedoms of speech and press, including internet freedom; and discrimination and violence against women, including female genital mutilation. Egypt is considered by Amnesty International to be one of the top twenty violators of human rights globally.

3. Yemen -- The government has signed several international human rights treaties, and even appointed a woman, Dr. Wahiba Fara’a, to the role of Minister of the State of Human Rights. However, credible reports state that abuses still run rampant, especially in the areas of women's rights, freedom of the press, torture, and police brutality. Arbitrary arrests of citizens and searches of homes, especially in the south, remain commonplace. Judicial corruption, inefficiency, and executive interference undermine due process. Freedom of speech, the press, and religion are all restricted and carefully regulated.

4. Sri-Lanka -- The decades-old civil war may be over, but the human rights abuses have only grown in this small island nation that once used to boast a thriving tourist industry (Marco Polo reported that upon landing on the island, he thought he had discovered the biblical Garden of Eden). The South Asia Human Rights Index reported that Sri Lanka is the worst human rights violator in South Asia. Discrimination, torture and brutal punishment, lack of expression and corruption are listed as the main issues the nation grapples with.

5. Uzbekistan -- Often used as the butt of jokes by Sasha Baron Cohen's character Borat (and therefore assumed to be a harmless nation of farmers), Uzbekistan is actually a rough place. Leader Islam Karimov's regime controls everything with brutal efficiency. In 2005, during an open meeting in the town square, an estimated 10,000 people gathered, expecting government officials to come and listen to their grievances. Instead, Karimov sent the army, which massacred hundreds of men, women and children. A 2003 law made Karimov and all members of his family immune from prosecution forever.

Any that didn't make the list that you can think of? Any that are on the list that shouldn't be? Chime in below.