Why You Are A Victim (But May Not Know It)

Noah Blumenthal points out that to become heroes we need to realize that we're often trapped in a cycle of victimhood that only encourages passivity and inaction. The truth is that no one makes us victims, we do it all ourselves.

Consider these five ways we make ourselves victims without even realizing it:

1. We let other people own our emotions. “He makes me so mad.” “It’s her fault I feel this way.” No one forces you to feel anything. Whether or not you realize it those feelings are still your choice. Other people have their own issues to work out, and sometimes those issues lead them to push you toward anger or misery. If you accept their push you are making yourself a victim of their action instead of the hero in this story.

2. We allow injustice to make us completely miserable. “It’s not fair.” When this becomes a mantra that rules our emotions, we have become victims of the world around us. Very little in this world is fair, but that’s not the point. We have much to be grateful for and much to do. Focus on the positive elements in your life and you gain the energy to take action against the injustices you see.

3. We get caught up in “Why?” “Why is this happening to me?” “Why do I have to go through this?” There are usually no good answers to these questions. And the questions themselves create more self-pity, sadness, anger, and bitterness. To find a heroic response we need to shift from “Why?” to “What?” “What should I be thankful for?” “What can I do now?”

4. We think that a problem is too big. “Global warming is beyond my control.” “I can’t fight corporate corruption. It’s too wide spread.” Nonsense. Every great challenge is overcome when a multitude of small, perhaps seemingly insignificant, actions become overwhelming in their momentum and force.

5. We equate frightening options with no options. “There’s nothing I can do.” This is just a more comfortable way of saying "I’m afraid of what will happen if I take action." We always have options, though they may be scary. We may need to risk our comfort or ego or luxury or standing, but there is always something we can choose to do.

Do you agree with Noah? Disagree? Other thoughts or comments? You know what to do....

The Art of Turning Walls into Bridges

Representative Kyrsten Sinema was born in Tucson, Arizona, in 1976 and has lived in Phoenix since 1995. First elected to the State Legislature in 2004, she was re-elected in 2006 to continue serving central Phoenix in District 15. Kyrsten's book, Unite and Conquer, is out now.

Identifying common ground with someone holding different views from you remains the fundamental first step to building a winning coalition. Too often, we assume that we can't possibly work successfully with others who think differently from us. This fallacy builds walls between us that get in the way of reaching our mutual goals. (For some, it's winning a campaign, and for others, it might be taking over the world.) Consider Kyrsten's five quick tips to help you start breaking the proverbial bread with that person you've always argued with:

1. Laugh. And by laugh, I mean laugh at something other than the person you're working to build a bridge with. I typically start with myself. (Luckily, I have lots of flaws so there's tons to make fun of.) If you are uptight and unable to make fun of yourself, or if you're perfect, then laugh at something harmless - like your mom. Laughing with another person breaks down barriers almost instantly, leaving two people enjoying the happy moment that comes with joy, smiles, and a great joke. Once you've shared a good laugh with another person, neither of you will forget that little bond you share.

2. Chill out. We build walls so quickly, laying brick after brick with every rude, insensitive, boorish, or flat-out wrong comment made by another person. Some people specialize in barbs that psyche you into warp speed, building sky-high walls. Only when we consciously remind ourselves that their barbs and boorish comments are about them, not us, can we stop building and relax. Those who make frequent comments that poke others are simply sharing their insecurities about their own selves or positions. Instead of building higher walls in response, think how lucky you are not to be burdened with that insecurity. Responding maturely without ire will not only prevent your walls from going up, they'll chip away at his/her walls, too.

3. Ask about his/her kids. Or his/her alma mater, or sports, or knitting, or favorite food. Actually, ask about anything. When you take the time to learn a little something about another person's life, you get a glimpse into that person's realness. Not only do you see the other person in a new light, that person will see you in a different light as well. It becomes a lot harder to detest the person who shares the same frustration you feel about your 13 year old daughter's phone habits.

4. Take a walk on the wild side. Spend some time learning about the "other side" - whether that other side means another person, group, or just some stuff you understand. Reading the Economist, listening to a sermon, attending a meeting or lecture, or, in my case, watching Fox News -- all are venues to learn about those who are different than yourself. While much of today's media highlights the differences between us, (trust me on this, I am in politics after all) these are often overblown, cartoonish versions of real people and real life. Spending some time learning about the other peopke or their stuff can help demystify them and perhaps even burst some of your preconceived bubbles about them.

5. Listen. This one remains my favorite. It's also the one I'm worst at. Listening to others can be so hard, especially when I am bursting with so many brilliant things to say! But talking and talking and talking without leaving space in your head to listen only pushes people away. Take time to listen to what others say - and more importantly, what they mean. Listening for understanding can break down parts of the wall that are based on misconceptions, rumors, or faulty facts. Listening also symbolizes respect - listening to another, even if you don't agree with his/her statements tells that person that you care and that you respect him/her.

Do you have any other ideas for building bridges or any comments on Kyrsten's hints? Chime in below.

Drucker's Wisdom: Five Nuggets

Peter Drucker, who died in 2005 at 95, was known as “the father of modern management.” Bruce Rosenstein interviewed and wrote about Drucker both for USA TODAY and his new book Living in More Than One World: How Peter Drucker’s Wisdom Can Inspire and Transform Your Life. Bruce calls it “the self-help guide Drucker never wrote, and the next best thing to being mentored by him.” Consider these five tips for leading a meaningful and fulfilling life from Drucker’s life and work.

1. Live in more than one world
The most satisfied, contented people, in Drucker’s estimation, lead multidimensional lives with diverse people, activities and pursuits. This can provide a cushion against setbacks in life, especially at work, and gives you the opportunity for new knowledge, professional advancement and leadership experience.

2. Tap into the power of an achievement focus
Drucker believed that making money as a primary goal was short-sighted. If you are achievement-focused rather than money-focused, you will gain satisfaction from leaving behind something of value for other people and future generations.

3. Make a (flexible) plan for the coming year
At some point during the year (and it doesn’t have to be the end of the calendar year), assess what worked and what didn’t in your personal and professional life during the past year. Did the results surprise you? They often did for Drucker. This can be an excellent starting point for redirecting your priorities for the following year.

4. Run with success
Drucker ran with what was successful in his life, and didn’t worry too much about things that didn’t work out as well as he’d hoped. (Example: He wrote and published two novels in the 1980s that didn’t sell well.) He had an interesting spin on a well-known saying: “If at first you don’t succeed,” Drucker said, “try once more, and then try something else.”

5. Give back by teaching
Drucker said that no one learns as much as the person who must teach his subject. Think about giving back to society or your profession by getting into part-time teaching, either as a volunteer or as an adjunct professor at a local university.

Thoughts? Reactions? Other Drucker-isms? Chime in below.

More Damage Than Good?

Andrea Batista Schlesinger is the Executive Director of the Drum Major Institute and a key player in progressive politics and policy. Consider Andrea's five reasons why the involvement of young people in politics, even in the Obama era, is a cause for concern:

1. Young people aren’t really following the news.
Despite being always “online,”today’s young people follow the news less than any previous generation, research shows. Despite the abundance of news updates – or perhaps because of them – young people have developed a habit of superficially grazing on the news and not digging very deeply.

2. Young people connect globally but remain unprepared to act locally.
Our No Child Left Behind era doesn't value civics. Even the best programs, like the Center for Civic Education’s excellent Project Citizen (which challenges children to identify community problems, learn about local government, and propose solutions) reach only a fraction of America's students. Civics teaches young people how to affect local democracy; without it, how will young people learn to interact with their local city governments, school boards, and state legislatures?

3. Millennials are a generation of “problem solvers.”
Some have characterized the millennial generation as problem-solvers who act directly on issues and don’t believe in waiting around for the government to create change. Great! However, real change comes from collectively affecting government policy -- a drier prospect that admittedly holds less appeal for most people and results in less energy and action around the all-important process of changing and creating new policies.

4. Political parties still only care about young people every four years.
Young people remained disengaged from politics up until the last two years because political parties were not interested in their engagement. It's been a brutally self-fulfilling prophecy for too long: parties don't bother to try to get the youth vote out, so the youth don't vote, so the parties don't care. Despite young people's roles in the Obama campaign, don’t be surprised if the larger political infrastructure ignores young people’s political involvement. Until 2012, that is. 

5. Certain influential people don't want young people to be informed or engaged.
The Manhattan Institute – an exceptionally well-funded conservative think tank – has a new pet peeve: social justice education.  Sol Stern, a fellow, makes a practice of attacking some schools for their desire to engage young people in creating change in their communities. Without such instruction, these young people will not know how to go about creating real change, and possibly do more damage than good.

Do you agree with Andrea or do you feel otherwise? Are there other hidden dangers in political involvement by youth, or is she not addressing other crucial factors that argue against her stance? Weigh in below.

Meetings and How to Do Them Right

Bestselling authors Mike Song, Tim Burress, and Vicki Halsey outline five ways to cut through the clutter to create shorter, more effective meetings using P.O.S.E.:

The key to reducing meeting time is to P.O.S.E. the right questions before accepting an invitation to an optional meeting:

1. Priority vs. Availability: Rather than check availability first when presented with a meeting invite – check your priorities and goals. Is this really where you need to be spending your time?

2.Objenda: Know the objective and agenda (we refer to this as an Objenda) of the meeting before accepting. Once the purpose and structure of the meeting is clear, you may realize that you no longer need to attend. If you blindly accept a topic as your only criteria for attending – you’ll be sitting in a lot of dead-end meetings. You’ll be better prepared and more productive when you have an objenda for every meeting you attend.

3.Shorten: Many meetings are scheduled for an hour because e-calendar tools like Outlook have presets for one hour. If you only need 40 minutes, override the presets and have a shorter meeting. Never schedule 60 minute meetings, always schedule 50 minute meetings. You’ll cut total meeting time and build transition time in so you won’t be late for the next one. Asking “can we cover this in 20 minutes instead of 60" is a great question.

4.E-Vailability: Sometimes we think we’re available but we’re not. Make sure your e-calendar reflects your true availability -- we call this e-vailability. Schedule me-time into your calendar to signify to yourself and others that you are booked at certain times. You’ll meet less and get more done when you’ve blocked out time for essential projects. Use me time to prep for important presentations, complete complex projects, or sort out a bloated inbox.


What do you think? Helpful? Not helpful? Ideas? Suggestions?

Five Wrong Questions to Ask

Marilee Adams' second edition of her bestselling work explores further the concept of questions and knowing the right questions to ask at the right times. However, Some of the questions we all ask prove to be more detrimental than helpful. Consider these five questions that you should avoid asking yourself at all times, even though they may still seem natural and familiar. All of these questions have built-in assumptions that can prevent the question asker from being successful or satisfied.

As you go through your day, listen to the questions you’re asking yourself and then wonder whether the inherent assumptions serve you. Sometimes you’ll find that you can be more successful and satisfied by changing your questions.

1. Why can’t I ever get anything right?
This is a bad question to ask yourself because it:
• Assumes that one is, was, and always will be incompetent and unsuccessful
• Assumes that there is nothing one can do about this “truth”

2. How did I get stuck with this idiot of a boss (spouse, child, colleague, etc.)?
This is a bad question to ask yourself because it:
• Assumes that one had no responsibility in contributing to this situation
• Assumes that one is good and pure and it’s everybody else who is deficient

3. What dumb thing is he/she going to say next?
This is a bad question to ask yourself because it:
• Assumes that whatever the other person says is always dumb
• Assumes that he or she never has anything helpful to say

4. How can I’m prove that I’m right (and everyone else is wrong)?
This is a bad question to ask yourself because it:
• Assumes that being right is the “end all and be all”
• Assumes that ones own point of view is the only right one
• Assumes that only one person or point of view can be right and valid

5. Whose fault is it? What is everybody else’s responsibility for this problem?
This is a bad question to ask yourself because it:
• Assumes that what’s important is finding a person to blame rather than focusing on resolving whatever the problem is
• Assumes that it was only others who contributed to the problem, not oneself

What questions do you think are the wrong ones to ask?

Five Ways That Introverts Make Good Leaders

Jennifer Kahnweiler dispels the myth that introverts are at a disadvantage in leadership roles. If anything, Jennifer argues, introverts have special skills that actually make them very good leaders. Consider the five ways introverted leaders tend to:

1. Think first, talk later. Introverted leaders think before they speak. Even in casual conversation, they consider others’ comments carefully, and stop and reflect before responding. Their tendency to be more measured with words is a major asset in today’s recession, when no leader can afford to make a costly gaffe.

2. Focus on depth. Introverted leaders seek depth over breadth. They like to dig deep—delving into issues and ideas before moving on to new ones. They are drawn to meaningful conversations—not superficial chit-chat—and know how to ask great questions and really listen to people’s answers.

3. Exude calm. Introverted leaders are low-key. In times of crisis, they project a reassuring, calm confidence—think President Obama—and regardless of the heat of the conversation or circumstances, speak softly and slowly.

4. Let their fingers do the talking. Introverted leaders prefer writing to talking. They opt for e-mail over the telephone and meet face-to-face only when necessary. Today, their comfort with the written word helps them better leverage online social networking tools such as Twitter—creating new opportunities
to be “out there” with employees as they deal with uncertainty and fear.

5. Embrace solitude. Introverted leaders are energized by spending time alone. Sufferers of people exhaustion, they frequently need to retreat to recharge their batteries. These regular timeouts fuel their thinking, creativity, and decision-making, and when the pressure is on, help them be responsive— not reactive.

Agree? Disagree? Thoughts? Chime in below.