Five Reasons for Not Apologizing

John Kador's new book focuses on the power of effective apology. John does want to warn you, however, that sometimes issuing an apology is not the right thing to do. Here are five situations where an apology may do more damage than good:

1. When an apology would cause harm.
Delayed apologies—apologies for an event that occurred long ago—are risky. The victim may welcome an apology even after years or decades. Or the apology may revictimize the victim. Here’s the test: if you conclude that your apology is guided more by redemption for yourself than compassion for the victim, then let a direct apology go. Deal with your issues in confession or therapy.

2. When it’s likely that you will repeat the offending behavior.
Be honest. If you can’t commit to ending the offending conduct, then an apology is just another excuse.

3. When you’re not prepared to provide restitution.
You can’t talk your way out of a situation you acted your way into. If you borrowed your friend’s car and got a parking ticket, then you have to pay the fine as the central part of the apology. If you can’t afford to do that, then you can’t afford the apology.

4. When the offense hasn’t happened yet.
Apologizing in advance is bogus. The very essence of apology supposes accepting responsibility for an event that has already taken place, expressing regret that it happened, and promising not to repeat the behavior. Apology is not a get-out-of-jail-free card. To suggest that a proposed behavior is less regrettable if you pre-apologize for it and then do it anyway is just moral laziness.

5. When someone else is responsible for the offense.
It’s meaningless for you to apologize for, say, the excesses of The Crusades. You weren’t there. In technical terms you have no standing to apologize. By the same token, if the party who should apologize refuses to do, you can’t do so on their behalf. What if the offender works for you? You can certainly apologize for your own carelessness (deficiencies in hiring or supervision, for example), but one adult cannot apologize on behalf of another adult.

What do you think? Agree? Disagree? Want to say something? Say it below.

Five Ways Our Culture Doesn’t Look at Issues in Terms of the Long Run

The Rev. Dr. Michael A. Schuler serves as the Parish Minister of the First Unitarian Society of Madison. During his 17-year tenure, the Society has grown rapidly to over 1300 adult members and approximately 200 active affiliates; 450 children are registered for Church School and youth activities. In his book, he discusses how and why our culture is obsessed with material gain and instant gratification and how this will do a tremendous amount of damage to our planet and our communities. here are five places where our culture seems so focused on the quick returns that it doesn't take into account the long-term damage:

1. Encouraging the rapid depletion of the planet's natural capital by externalizing those costs, thus keeping the price of commodities artificially low.

2. Allowing poorly-conceived "cookie-cutter" development proposals to undercut efforts to preserve and protect the most unique an livable qualities of our towns and cities.

3. Failing to consistently emphasize the personal and social benefits provided by enduring personal friendships and partnerships.

4. Seducing individuals and institutions into "get rich quick" schemes rather than promote a sustainable and ultimately more prudent approach to financial planning.

5. Successfully creating a near-universal craving for nutritionally deficient and environmentally toxic fast- and convenience foods.

Any thoughts, responses, or arguments? Chime in below.

The Four Ways You Can Waste Your Employee Recognition Budget

At some point or another you’ve been ‘rewarded’ for your hard work with only a t-shirt or some other form of recognition that just didn’t cut it. Cindy Ventrice has made it her life's work to educate managers about how to build real recognition programs that notice and value employee contributions. Here are five common types of recognition that still tend to be used despite having no positive effect:

1. Employee of the Month Awards –For most people, Employee of the Month is the first program that comes to mind when they think employee recognition. It is also the type of program that is most likely to be a supreme failure. Why? Generally, employee reaction is one of three: “Why did they pick her?” “It figures, since he is the bosses pet,” or “Who’s turn is it this month?”

2. Bonuses/Incentives – Bonuses and incentives get misclassified as recognition, but they are compensation. If you expect bonuses to change the level of satisfaction with recognition, you will be disappointed.

3. Trinkets – T-shirts, mugs, pens with the company logo, your employees have figured out that these are advertising, not recognition. You can turn a trinket into effective recognition. Provide a specific, sincere message along with the trinket and it becomes an example of meaningful recognition.

4. Gift Cards and Catalogues – There is a whole recognition industry built around gift cards and catalogues of merchandise, and they are definitely popular. Yet most of these awards end up being perceived more as compensation than recognition. Again, it comes down to the message that is attached to the award.

Meaningful recognition is always about the message. When you have the budget, awards are fine—if you remember to make them tangible reminders of something positive.

Do you agree? Disagree? Have other examples of recognition that are basically useless? Write in your comments below.

Ten Words to Help You Care for Your Soul (and Those of Others)

More than a decade of working with others who are suffering or in pain took its toll on Laura, just as it has taken its toll on anyone who has worked in the social service field for an extended period of time. How do you keep from internalizing all the pain and suffering when you are exposed to it daily? Laura finally figured it out, which is why you should read her book. In the meantime, here are Laura's ten words of advice (organized into three short mantras) to keep in mind to carry your soul through the journey ahead:

1. Be Conscious - A lack of consciousness, awareness, and presence accounts for much of the pain, struggle, and hardship the world currently faces. By remaining conscious of our speech, manner, and conduct at all times (or as frequently as we can...), we create positive social and environmental change. At the very least, we do less harm to ourselves or others and, at most, we contribute to the health and well being of others, ourselves, and our planet.

2. Sustain Yourself - We have an ethical obligation to sustain ourselves before we work to sustain others or the planet. Only through caring for ourselves - mind, body, spirit - are we going to have the energy and clarity to keep doing our best, day in and day out - for the long haul. If you don't have your own A game, you won't have it for others.

3. Contribute Wise to the World's Needs - Think about what the world needs right now, and then consider how your daily intentions relate to that need and merge the two. Ask yourself, "what do I want to get better at?" and then think of how that passion can bring benefit to the world. We can agree that the world doesn't need more contempt, cynicism, gossiping, addictions, or scapegoating. But intentionality, mindfulness, proactive awareness...now we're talking! So when we're able to notice our actions, we can gently ask ourselves, "Is what I'm doing right now what I want to be getting better at?" and if you're feeling inspired, follow it up with, "To what benefit for the world, is this action I'm taking?"

As Howard Thurman reminds us, "...Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

Any thoughts, feedback, or suggestions of your own? Chime in below.

Five Scientific Studies that Support the Idea of a Living Universe

Duane Elgin knows that most people think of the idea of a living universe as a sort of a metaphysical concept or spiritual ideology. However, there are numerous pieces of research that lend scientific support to the idea that the universe is a living entity. Here are just five:

1. An international panel from the Russian Academy of Sciences, the Max Planck institute in Germany, and the University of Sydney published an article in the New Journal of Physics in 2007 stating that computer simulations now show that electrically charged specks of interstellar dust organize into DNA-like double helixes and display properties normally attributed to living systems, such as evolving and reproducing.

2. The Urey-Miller experiment that simulated the theorized early pre-life conditions on Earth, and produced amino acids, suggests that the universe is essentially biological. The ammonia used was obtained by a process involving hydrogen of bio-origin, and the methane was also biological in origin. Non-biological catalysts would be poisoned almost instantaneously by sulfur gases under pre-life conditions. What this means is that most of the material in interstellar grains must be organic or life itself would have been impossible.

3. The universe has a memory. University of AZ scientists Gary Schwartz and Linda Russek have argued (and published papers and a book asserting) that all dynamic systems, including galaxies and star systems, have memory in the sense of adaptability based on previous events, and based on this memory, the universe evolves and grows in a particular manner -- with intention. Such intention is an indicator of intelligent life.

4. Every time a black hole collapses into a singularity and a new baby universe is formed with a new space-time, the laws of physics that are born with it are slightly different. The force of gravity, for example, may be a little stronger--or weaker--than in the parent, and the "offspring" star systems theoretically outlive their parent systems. The process resembles the way mutations provide the variability among organic life forms on which natural selection can operate. Inanimate and inorganic systems would not do this because there is no reason for them to do it. This research was published in 2005 by Lee Smolin, professor of physics at the Center for Gravitational Physics and Geometry at Pennsylvania State University.

5. One of the biological definitions of life is autopoiesis, literally self-creation. Biologist Dr. Elizabet Sahtouris wrote that evolutionists recognize the universe as a giant self-organizing living cell. For example, the earth continually recycles itself through tectonic plate activity and weather patterns. Earth gains ever greater complexity by evolving tiny cells on its surface through the intelligent alliance of DNA and proteins. These cells evolve enormous variety and complexity by exchanging their genomes as DNA becomes the planetary language of life, permitting blueprints to be encoded and shared among all Earth's creatures from the tiniest singe-celled bacteria to the largest mammoths and redwoods. Other planets and whole systems and galaxies also behave similarly. Such acts of self-creation cannot logically be assumed to only exist on earth.

And...as a bonus, noted astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson states that "Humans are chemically connected with life on other star systems and atomically connected with all matter in the universe."

Convinced? Confused? Skeptical? Weigh in!

Five Ways to Recognize People Who Glow

Lynda Gratton is considered to be one of the top fifty business thinkers in the world today. Her latest book focuses on how to identify and foster people in organizations who "glow." These people radiate enthusiasm and positivity, and are key to any organization's success.

Here are Lynda's five ways to recognize a glower:

1. You will feel their good natured cooperation and their capacity to give you their time and attention…they truly practice the habits of cooperation.

2. They will surprise you by their breadth of experiences and the wide range and engaging stories they tell…they have collected many ideas from the different people they know.

3. You remain engaged in meaningful conversation with them … they give you time and you enjoy their company.

4. You find yourself volunteering to work with them … they have a vision which really excites and intrigues you.

5. You find yourself drawn to them through the questions they ask … these resonate with you and you know them to be courageous and important

Do these sound like anyone you know? What are your thoughts?

Six Ways to Engage People in Tough Times

It's difficult enough to engage and motivate people, but given our current economic climate, it seems almost impossible. Almost. Bestselling author Ken Thomas has six proven ways to engage, motivate, and help your talent glow:

1. Pay attention to the day-to-day rewards that sustain their attention and enthusiasm. We often think of motivation as wanting something. Instead, focus on what keeps people going — what are they getting right now that motivates them?

2. Focus on intrinsic rewards -— the satisfactions people get directly from their work. Money is a factor in choosing a job, but people remain and stay engaged largely because of these satisfactions.

3. Provide a meaningful purpose. Work activities are empty for people unless they contribute to an overall worthwhile purpose. “Do this,” doesn’t engage people. “Help make this happen,” does.

4. Recognize the importance of visible and measurable progress. It isn’t enough to just pursue an important purpose. To keep up enthusiasm for any project, people need credible evidence that their ongoing efforts are getting results towards that purpose.

5. Give individuals as much choice as they can handle. Making informed choices is a key way people can add value in their work, and a way for them to see their footprints in the progress being made.

6. Provide constructive interpretations of events. Remember how much it helped when friends or family helped you regain perspective when you were discouraged? Without ignoring negative events, help people appreciate the positives in their purposes, progress, and competence -- and remember to keep doing this on an ongoing basis.

Check out Ken's Work Engagement Profile for more details.

Are there any others that should have been included in this list? What do you think of the techniques listed above? Tell us.